We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she peed on how many people?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
