i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
