Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You left your phone here
Wait...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
