You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize