not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
