Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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