Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
