I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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