he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
