you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
