It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
