I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
