She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
