): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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