Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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