this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
