apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
