I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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