Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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