I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
