Already got asked if we're dating
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
