Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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