SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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