I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
