So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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