FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
