I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Found your dick twin last night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
