none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
