the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
