I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
