oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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