Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
