Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Mom said you looked used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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