dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
