Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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