he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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