i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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