I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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