You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize