Your face is a jimmy john
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
