lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
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So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
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PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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