I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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