Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
