I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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