1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
