You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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