I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
what day is it and did you see me today?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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