I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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