And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
