RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
