Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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