VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
