Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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