Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
