after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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