I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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