We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I need a burrito and a hug.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I touched a dick in church today
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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