i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
