Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sext me about skeletons
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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